I Hope I am a Good Mom

Mother's Day weekend is upon us and I am very excited for my "special" day, which I plan to start off with a 9 a.m. yoga class, followed by brunch at home with Josh and the kiddos, as well as a light hike and picnic lunch. Josh's brother and his wife recently became parents for the first time on April 1st, so this will be my sister-in-law's first Mother's Day! (Thank you, Matt & Alynn for making me an Auntie for the first time!) Seeing and holding my sweet little nephew, Cole James, made me very nostalgic for my own children's births and those first few months at home with them. Here are a few photos of my darling Clare, who made me a Mumma on June 18, 2007.

August 2007 @ two months old. We used this photo for Clare's baptism invitations.

September 2007 @ three months old.

September 2007 - she had TON of 3-6 mos. size clothes!

September 2007.

October 2007 @ 3.5 months old - during her Baptism weekend in Wisconsin. Her eyes are no longer blue.

In honor of Mother's Day, below is an essay I wrote in January 2009, when Clare was 19-months old.

I Hope I am a Good Mom

I know that over the course of a relationship with one’s children there will always be ups and downs but I hope in the end, when Clare is an adult, with children of her own, that we will be friends. In the meantime, I hope I will be a good Mom. 

Clare may not always like the decisions I make on her behalf, which is fine, as long as my actions are not arbitrary but are done with her best interests at heart. I think I will be able to sleep at night knowing my teenage daughter “hates” me if I know I don’t deserve it.  I vow now not to take it personally and to realize it is just a phase and not hold it against her.

I want what is best for Clare and to be able to help her do anything she wants to do in life.  I want to teach her realistic goals while always striving for things just out of her reach.  I want her to live in reality but never stop dreaming.  Failure is a part of success and I want her to know that today is just as important as tomorrow.  I know too many people who live for a tomorrow that exists only in their own mind.  Making the most of today is the best way to prepare for the future.

I want to be the kind of Mom who is involved but not overbearing.  I want to be a confidante, but have enough self-awareness to know that sometimes Clare will need to rely on others for insight and guidance, and to not be offended by that, but rather to encourage it.  I do believe it takes a village to raise a child and that two (or five or ten) heads are better than one.  The more positive influences Clare is exposed to, in the form of people and experiences, the more well-rounded and open minded she will be.

I look at how Clare is now at only 19-months old and hope that she will hang-on to that childlike curiosity, excitement and yes, self-confidence.  We become too aware of ourselves and what those around us think as we get older that it can be crippling and prevent us from trying new things.  I want to teach my daughter to, of course be respectful of others and kind, but to always be herself and not omit doing things for fear of how she might “look” to others.  The ability to laugh at one’s self is a trait I hope to teach her early and often.  Life is serious but we need not take everything seriously.

Personally, I wish I had learned to ski, to play tennis and golf, to dance, to draw and paint. I wish I had taken up sewing and knitting earlier. I wish I had been exposed to more experiences at a younger age. I wish I had been encouraged to try new things. I wish I had allowed myself to fail more often, so that I ultimately could have succeeded.  I do not want Clare wishing.  I want her doing and trying.  As much as we should not live for a future self that will never materialize, we should not hold on to regrets about the past either.

I hope I am a good Mom and that I live up to my own expectations, as much as I hope Clare will live up to hers.

19-month old Clare